i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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