we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
