I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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