May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
