did you get engaged???
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
