help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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