nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
not ubering you a puppy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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