Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
