Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think my moral compass just broke
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
