Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
