I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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