You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
