This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
