Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
