I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
