I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
