Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
