About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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