sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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