White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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