He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
