haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
