Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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