It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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