There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
