Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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