WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
