So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
