I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
