Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
