i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
