just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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