I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
