Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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