i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
