Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This baby is an asshole
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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