Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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