i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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