I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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