I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it's like iHOP with fire
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
