i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry about my life...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
