I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
