ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
