Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
