Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
