wat bout pragnant strippers??
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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