She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
