Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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