Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
