Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he puts the penis in happiness.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
