Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
