how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
