it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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