Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
