so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
