My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
