i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
